I'm back. I know all 6 of you have been wondering where my wit went. Well here's the story: there's no story. I've been working out and watching my calories so I let it consume me for a sec. Stuff was still hugging me, though, trust. I already ranted about this on FB, but here it is anyway...

1. Butthole kids who are really too old to be at an Easter Egg hunt taking all the eggs at said hunt. What the crap is wrong with these kids? They just barreled through the crowd and grabbed armfuls of eggs until there was literally non left for the little ones. Seriously, every big kid I saw had eggs spilling out of their baskets. My kids got zero. Katelyn was devastated. I guess the real question I should be asking here is What the deuce is wrong with these kids' parents? Don't you talk to your children about manners when doing things like this? We told Katelyn to be nice and courteous and to only take a few. Apparently responsible parenting is a thing of the past. It was disgusting how selfish and careless these little brats were. We were able to take a little consolation in the fact that one of the dudes in charge had spare eggs and he gave Katelyn a few. She didn't get to find them, though. Later that day Jason and I were watching the local news and there was a report on about an egg hunt in another town that took place at a pool. The reporter literally said "if you don't have children but want to participate in an egg hunt, there will be an adult hunt tomorrow". ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? If you're an adult and you think you need to hunt for eggs, you need to off yourself.

2. As I mentioned before, I have been counting my calories for a couple weeks now. This isn't a rant as much as a statement. Stuff that tastes yummy is not fun to work off. I wish there was a magic pill or a magic exercise, but there's not. It's hard and I hate it, but I've already lost 3 pounds, so I'll keep going. Again, not ranting. Just wishing it didn't suck so much.

3. I've been spending quite a bit of time in the carpool line these past few weeks and I know I've mentioned it before, but what in the world would make people think it's okay to smoke around our children? It's disgusting. It's deadly. It's foul. But more than anything, it's inconsiderate and rude. Kill yourself in your own house. My babies shouldn't have to breathe that crap in.

That's kind of it for now. I wish I were funnier. Apologies. Keep reading my blog. It makes me feel special. Or don't. Your loss.

Here's my rant for this week...

1. While I feel sorry for Heather Morris, Christina Hendricks and others who recently had their phones hacked, why why WHY are we taking naked pictures of ourselves on our phones (or at all, really)? I especially don't understand why a celebrity would have crap like that on their phones. You're just asking to be extorted. I personally would rather die than have a naked picture of myself or anyone else on my phone. Sick. People, let's exercise a little common sense. Nudity is for the bedroom only. Not any form of photo. I feel like since I was bagging on naked maternity pictures last week I must come off as some kind of prude. I'm not. The naked body is beautiful and all that, but it's for private. Not phones or film.

2. I am realllly bugged by Oxford Electrical Department. We have recently run out of checks and we don't want to order more since we'll be moving in August. Most of our bills we have on auto pay, but the cable/internet and power are not possible to do that way. We went to pay our bill in person today with the debit card and were charged a 10% service charge. I was so mad. I understand that small businesses take a big hit with debit card machines, but they're the freaking power company. They have a monopoly on the entire city- county almost- where the deuce do they get off charging me $4.40 to use my effing card? It's just wrong. I'm poor enough, jerks.

3. Weathermen are seriously on my bad list these days. Don't you have to go to school to learn to predict weather patterns or whatever? My 26-month old could do better. We've hardly done anything this spring break because it was supposed to be so rainy (and because there's NOTHING to do in Oxford) and we were supposed to have "severe weather" most of the week. Do you know how much it's rained this week? Not a freaking drop, that I can recall. As a matter of fact, it's been so hot and humid and sunny that we'd prefer the rain. And every time we turn to The Weather Channel it says something about how we're under some advisory but then the chance of rain will only be like 30%. What the heck?

As annoyed as I get with dumb things, I did have fun hanging out with my hubby this week. Sucks being poor and dealing with school, but we're not hating on the breaks he gets every now and again. What has you ticked off? I wanna hear. Til next week, friends. Hopefully I'll be funnier.

This week I am bugged by the following...

1. Stupid celebrities (and frankly, regular people) who pose nude during pregnancy and then put the pictures out for the world to see. Jessica Simpson is the latest in a long line of people who posed nude while pregnant for the cover of a magazine. First of all, eww. Secondly- while it's not my bag- if you're going to do that, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! No one wants to see your nudies. If you take them and your nakedness is showing, don't post them. Gross.

2. I am REALLY annoyed with this whole "pay for my birth control...wait, I mean my schoolmates' birth control" crap. Listen, I think if people could exercise just a little bit of freaking control and not have sex until they're married this whole debate would pretty much be a non issue. But, since most people don't see that as something worthwhile, the least they can do is buck up and drop $6 at Wal-Mart for a pack of 12 condoms. My husband and I are poor. I mean POOR. Like, can't afford the O and the R poor. We're "po", but we manage to fork out the few extra dollars a month it takes to purchase prophylactics. If you (or your colleague) is engaged in such an active lifestyle that you cannot afford a couple of boxes of condoms a month, you should probably stop having so much sex. Call me a "right wing whacko" or "hatemonger". Don't care. Don't be skanky. Also, who has that kind of time in freaking LAW SCHOOL? My husband doesn't. Just saying.

3. Toddlers' abilities to make such large messes in such a short amount of time. This kid is like the Rainman of messes. A savant, even. I cannot handle it anymore. This morning I picked up her bedroom and went to make her bed and when I turned around from making said bed she had already dumped all the blocks out, threw all the books off the shelf and dumped out all the play food. In 30 seconds. How does a two-year old even move that fast? No one ever told me motherhood was glamorous, but I don't understand how I put in a near constant effort and my house still looks like an episode of Hoarders, like, 98% if the time. What's the point of trying? I may as well start stacking adult diapers in a closet and let 67 cats take over.

Til next time, friends...all 6 of you.

It's that time of the week again...

Things that bug me this week...

1. Parents who kill their own kids. You may remember last week I posted 2 articles (ON THE SAME FREAKING DAY) on Facebook about Moms who killed their kids. One via microwave (I WISH SHE WAS DEAD) and one via treadmill. Seriously, people? You can take your baby to a hospital or fire station and drop them off...no questions asked. Why are we having children if we don't want them. I understand babies who cry nonstop and the off the wall emotions we experience after giving birth. Believe me, I have 2 that were (and still are!) particularly challenging. Never once would I have ever considered ending their lives or doing anything harmful. In the case of treadmill mom/grandma, kids "sneaking" candy bars does not equal that kind of punishment, whether they wanted her to die or not. Before everyone goes all Brooke Shields on me, I understand that post partum depression is real. I get it. But women need to ask for freaking help before they leave the hospital. Happy pills don't equal failure. Killing your kids equals failure.

2. I have really, really, really had it with people who text while they drive. This morning I had to take Katelyn to school and on the way back I'm behind Joe Schmoe who is going 35 in the fast lane, weaving in and out of the lane and barely even looking at the road. What a Moron. Was it really so important to let your bros know what the 411 is or whatever? Come on, people. PUT IT AWAY.

3. Speaking of bros, what's with the fraternity bros at Ole Miss thinking they own the road? Wait your turn, buddy. They are awful on bikes, too. I know you don't want to be late for Creative Writing, but you're not the only one going somewhere. Mind your manners...this is the South after all. Be hospitable.

4. Finally, Katelyn. She is not a thing and I love her dearly, but she's REALLY bugging me. She got suspended from the bus for the third time. I have no idea what to do for this child. We've tried losing privileges, no screen time, grounding etc. Nothing is a motivation for her to behave on the bus. We've about had it. Suggestions welcome.

That's all for now. Plenty more bugs me, but I'll save it for next time.

Things that bug me today.

I really just feel like getting some things off my chest that have really irritated me this week. I feel to be rude. If you don't care, feel free to move on.

1. I don't know if it's Oxford or just people in general, but are 4-way stops really that hard? I happen to be a REALLY sucky driver and even I know when its my turn. People here either sit there and derp for 3 minutes or they barrel through the intersection when it isn't their turn. So. Annoying. Also, get off your freaking phone.

2. I can't begin to count how many times I've seen people in our stupid complex let their dogs do it's business and then walk away from it like it's nbd. It is a bd. I don't own a dog. I deal with enough excrement from humans every day. If I wanted to walk in crap, I'd let my kids go in the grass. Please, pet owners, clean up after your animals. It's common courtesy. I don't leave Reagan's dirty diapers in the park or the patch of grass by the mailbox. Because that would be inconsiderate. And gross.

3. Autocorrect. More often than not, it does more harm than good and just makes me irate. See: most of my fb posts.

4. Let's leave Elizabeth Smart alone. The poor girl has been through hell. It's disgusting that people will.make comments about her marriage being too soon or her not knowing what she's doing. Shut up, people. Let her be happy.

That's all. I think I'm going to do this once a week. It was fun.

You say it's your Birthday...

Two years ago today I looked like this...




Gross, right? About an hour after this was taken, I got this...



Now she looks like this...



Worth. Every. Second. This girl is such a joy in our lives. At 2 Reagan's favorite things are:

1. Her thumb. Hands down, her favorite past time. She is always sucking that thing.
2. Her bed. She sleeps like a champ in her "big girl" bed.
3. The Momma. She's obsessed with me. But who isn't?
4. ELMO!!! She loves that annoying little monster. I swore I would never let my kids have character shirts or shoes...not so much. They are involved.
5. Papa. She has a special relationship with my dad that I don't even understand. She even preferred him to me before we moved. She could really take or leave her dad, her sister, etc. but my dad is sacred to her.
6. Pretty much any TV show.

Least favorite things:

1. NURSERY. She has loathed it from day 1. Continues to loathe it. Screams the entire two hours. Every. Week.
2. Most meat. She is a bit of a bird when it comes to eating and we don't know why. Katelyn cleared her plate from day 1 and Jason and I obviously love to eat, but this kid won't eat much, but almost zero meat.
3. The vacuum. She whines and whimpers and says "scary" the entire time it's on. I think it's funny.
4. Ladybugs. She is petrified.
5. Most people. Just people in general are not her friends.

I love my baby angel. We've had a blast getting to hang together alone these past few months and she is learning and talking and doing sooo many things. She is a love and has blessed our family beyond measure. Happy Birthday, Reagan! We love you! Party pos to come later.