I'm back. I know all 6 of you have been wondering where my wit went. Well here's the story: there's no story. I've been working out and watching my calories so I let it consume me for a sec. Stuff was still hugging me, though, trust. I already ranted about this on FB, but here it is anyway...

1. Butthole kids who are really too old to be at an Easter Egg hunt taking all the eggs at said hunt. What the crap is wrong with these kids? They just barreled through the crowd and grabbed armfuls of eggs until there was literally non left for the little ones. Seriously, every big kid I saw had eggs spilling out of their baskets. My kids got zero. Katelyn was devastated. I guess the real question I should be asking here is What the deuce is wrong with these kids' parents? Don't you talk to your children about manners when doing things like this? We told Katelyn to be nice and courteous and to only take a few. Apparently responsible parenting is a thing of the past. It was disgusting how selfish and careless these little brats were. We were able to take a little consolation in the fact that one of the dudes in charge had spare eggs and he gave Katelyn a few. She didn't get to find them, though. Later that day Jason and I were watching the local news and there was a report on about an egg hunt in another town that took place at a pool. The reporter literally said "if you don't have children but want to participate in an egg hunt, there will be an adult hunt tomorrow". ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? If you're an adult and you think you need to hunt for eggs, you need to off yourself.

2. As I mentioned before, I have been counting my calories for a couple weeks now. This isn't a rant as much as a statement. Stuff that tastes yummy is not fun to work off. I wish there was a magic pill or a magic exercise, but there's not. It's hard and I hate it, but I've already lost 3 pounds, so I'll keep going. Again, not ranting. Just wishing it didn't suck so much.

3. I've been spending quite a bit of time in the carpool line these past few weeks and I know I've mentioned it before, but what in the world would make people think it's okay to smoke around our children? It's disgusting. It's deadly. It's foul. But more than anything, it's inconsiderate and rude. Kill yourself in your own house. My babies shouldn't have to breathe that crap in.

That's kind of it for now. I wish I were funnier. Apologies. Keep reading my blog. It makes me feel special. Or don't. Your loss.

Here's my rant for this week...

1. While I feel sorry for Heather Morris, Christina Hendricks and others who recently had their phones hacked, why why WHY are we taking naked pictures of ourselves on our phones (or at all, really)? I especially don't understand why a celebrity would have crap like that on their phones. You're just asking to be extorted. I personally would rather die than have a naked picture of myself or anyone else on my phone. Sick. People, let's exercise a little common sense. Nudity is for the bedroom only. Not any form of photo. I feel like since I was bagging on naked maternity pictures last week I must come off as some kind of prude. I'm not. The naked body is beautiful and all that, but it's for private. Not phones or film.

2. I am realllly bugged by Oxford Electrical Department. We have recently run out of checks and we don't want to order more since we'll be moving in August. Most of our bills we have on auto pay, but the cable/internet and power are not possible to do that way. We went to pay our bill in person today with the debit card and were charged a 10% service charge. I was so mad. I understand that small businesses take a big hit with debit card machines, but they're the freaking power company. They have a monopoly on the entire city- county almost- where the deuce do they get off charging me $4.40 to use my effing card? It's just wrong. I'm poor enough, jerks.

3. Weathermen are seriously on my bad list these days. Don't you have to go to school to learn to predict weather patterns or whatever? My 26-month old could do better. We've hardly done anything this spring break because it was supposed to be so rainy (and because there's NOTHING to do in Oxford) and we were supposed to have "severe weather" most of the week. Do you know how much it's rained this week? Not a freaking drop, that I can recall. As a matter of fact, it's been so hot and humid and sunny that we'd prefer the rain. And every time we turn to The Weather Channel it says something about how we're under some advisory but then the chance of rain will only be like 30%. What the heck?

As annoyed as I get with dumb things, I did have fun hanging out with my hubby this week. Sucks being poor and dealing with school, but we're not hating on the breaks he gets every now and again. What has you ticked off? I wanna hear. Til next week, friends. Hopefully I'll be funnier.

This week I am bugged by the following...

1. Stupid celebrities (and frankly, regular people) who pose nude during pregnancy and then put the pictures out for the world to see. Jessica Simpson is the latest in a long line of people who posed nude while pregnant for the cover of a magazine. First of all, eww. Secondly- while it's not my bag- if you're going to do that, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! No one wants to see your nudies. If you take them and your nakedness is showing, don't post them. Gross.

2. I am REALLY annoyed with this whole "pay for my birth control...wait, I mean my schoolmates' birth control" crap. Listen, I think if people could exercise just a little bit of freaking control and not have sex until they're married this whole debate would pretty much be a non issue. But, since most people don't see that as something worthwhile, the least they can do is buck up and drop $6 at Wal-Mart for a pack of 12 condoms. My husband and I are poor. I mean POOR. Like, can't afford the O and the R poor. We're "po", but we manage to fork out the few extra dollars a month it takes to purchase prophylactics. If you (or your colleague) is engaged in such an active lifestyle that you cannot afford a couple of boxes of condoms a month, you should probably stop having so much sex. Call me a "right wing whacko" or "hatemonger". Don't care. Don't be skanky. Also, who has that kind of time in freaking LAW SCHOOL? My husband doesn't. Just saying.

3. Toddlers' abilities to make such large messes in such a short amount of time. This kid is like the Rainman of messes. A savant, even. I cannot handle it anymore. This morning I picked up her bedroom and went to make her bed and when I turned around from making said bed she had already dumped all the blocks out, threw all the books off the shelf and dumped out all the play food. In 30 seconds. How does a two-year old even move that fast? No one ever told me motherhood was glamorous, but I don't understand how I put in a near constant effort and my house still looks like an episode of Hoarders, like, 98% if the time. What's the point of trying? I may as well start stacking adult diapers in a closet and let 67 cats take over.

Til next time, friends...all 6 of you.

It's that time of the week again...

Things that bug me this week...

1. Parents who kill their own kids. You may remember last week I posted 2 articles (ON THE SAME FREAKING DAY) on Facebook about Moms who killed their kids. One via microwave (I WISH SHE WAS DEAD) and one via treadmill. Seriously, people? You can take your baby to a hospital or fire station and drop them off...no questions asked. Why are we having children if we don't want them. I understand babies who cry nonstop and the off the wall emotions we experience after giving birth. Believe me, I have 2 that were (and still are!) particularly challenging. Never once would I have ever considered ending their lives or doing anything harmful. In the case of treadmill mom/grandma, kids "sneaking" candy bars does not equal that kind of punishment, whether they wanted her to die or not. Before everyone goes all Brooke Shields on me, I understand that post partum depression is real. I get it. But women need to ask for freaking help before they leave the hospital. Happy pills don't equal failure. Killing your kids equals failure.

2. I have really, really, really had it with people who text while they drive. This morning I had to take Katelyn to school and on the way back I'm behind Joe Schmoe who is going 35 in the fast lane, weaving in and out of the lane and barely even looking at the road. What a Moron. Was it really so important to let your bros know what the 411 is or whatever? Come on, people. PUT IT AWAY.

3. Speaking of bros, what's with the fraternity bros at Ole Miss thinking they own the road? Wait your turn, buddy. They are awful on bikes, too. I know you don't want to be late for Creative Writing, but you're not the only one going somewhere. Mind your manners...this is the South after all. Be hospitable.

4. Finally, Katelyn. She is not a thing and I love her dearly, but she's REALLY bugging me. She got suspended from the bus for the third time. I have no idea what to do for this child. We've tried losing privileges, no screen time, grounding etc. Nothing is a motivation for her to behave on the bus. We've about had it. Suggestions welcome.

That's all for now. Plenty more bugs me, but I'll save it for next time.

Things that bug me today.

I really just feel like getting some things off my chest that have really irritated me this week. I feel to be rude. If you don't care, feel free to move on.

1. I don't know if it's Oxford or just people in general, but are 4-way stops really that hard? I happen to be a REALLY sucky driver and even I know when its my turn. People here either sit there and derp for 3 minutes or they barrel through the intersection when it isn't their turn. So. Annoying. Also, get off your freaking phone.

2. I can't begin to count how many times I've seen people in our stupid complex let their dogs do it's business and then walk away from it like it's nbd. It is a bd. I don't own a dog. I deal with enough excrement from humans every day. If I wanted to walk in crap, I'd let my kids go in the grass. Please, pet owners, clean up after your animals. It's common courtesy. I don't leave Reagan's dirty diapers in the park or the patch of grass by the mailbox. Because that would be inconsiderate. And gross.

3. Autocorrect. More often than not, it does more harm than good and just makes me irate. See: most of my fb posts.

4. Let's leave Elizabeth Smart alone. The poor girl has been through hell. It's disgusting that people will.make comments about her marriage being too soon or her not knowing what she's doing. Shut up, people. Let her be happy.

That's all. I think I'm going to do this once a week. It was fun.

You say it's your Birthday...

Two years ago today I looked like this...




Gross, right? About an hour after this was taken, I got this...



Now she looks like this...



Worth. Every. Second. This girl is such a joy in our lives. At 2 Reagan's favorite things are:

1. Her thumb. Hands down, her favorite past time. She is always sucking that thing.
2. Her bed. She sleeps like a champ in her "big girl" bed.
3. The Momma. She's obsessed with me. But who isn't?
4. ELMO!!! She loves that annoying little monster. I swore I would never let my kids have character shirts or shoes...not so much. They are involved.
5. Papa. She has a special relationship with my dad that I don't even understand. She even preferred him to me before we moved. She could really take or leave her dad, her sister, etc. but my dad is sacred to her.
6. Pretty much any TV show.

Least favorite things:

1. NURSERY. She has loathed it from day 1. Continues to loathe it. Screams the entire two hours. Every. Week.
2. Most meat. She is a bit of a bird when it comes to eating and we don't know why. Katelyn cleared her plate from day 1 and Jason and I obviously love to eat, but this kid won't eat much, but almost zero meat.
3. The vacuum. She whines and whimpers and says "scary" the entire time it's on. I think it's funny.
4. Ladybugs. She is petrified.
5. Most people. Just people in general are not her friends.

I love my baby angel. We've had a blast getting to hang together alone these past few months and she is learning and talking and doing sooo many things. She is a love and has blessed our family beyond measure. Happy Birthday, Reagan! We love you! Party pos to come later.

Well we need a little Christmas, right this very minute...

Okay, so I wrestled with the idea of writing the obligatory Christmas letter and sending it to everyone, but after much pondering, I decided to save the USPS the trouble of hauling 80,000 letters all around the globe and went with the option to do it this way... so welcome to the first annual Aivaz Family Year-End/Christmas Report.

Cue fanfare.

No, no not that... make it a little more seasonal.

That's better.

Anyway, how do these things usually go? We just write about the events of the last year, post some pictures and then just expect people to read it and care? Okay. Well, I guess we'll just start off with the youngest member of our little family, Reagan.

Reagan had a pretty big year in 2011... she turned 1, learned how to walk, talk, count, and most importantly (and most recently) sleep in a "big-girl" bed. Yes, as of tonight, Reagan says goodbye to the crib forever (and Seana and I probably say goodbye to sanity). Reagan loves staying at home with Seana all day, she gets restless at home sometimes when it's too cold to go outside, but she's generally good to go and play blocks or baby dolls upstairs in her room after a small period of freaking out. She's a tender little thing, who gets her feelings hurt very easily, but is physically very tough... she wipes out with the best of them and springs right up, usually saying "I okay". She loves her sister, running around the house, and jumping on beds.

Reagan's Christmas wish list:

• Baby dolls
• A lifetime-supply of cranberry mixed juices
• Anything Elmo-related (Seriously, she's obsessed)
• Some fuzzy boots (Her sister has a pair and Reagan flies into a jealous rage whenever Katelyn puts them on)

Next, we come to Katelyn, our little Kindergartner.

As you can probably guess, Katelyn's big deal this year was starting school. When we got the news that UNLV wasn't going to be an option for law school, my one real silver lining to the storm clouds brought by that realization that Katelyn wouldn't be stuck in the den of failure and iniquity known as the Clark County School District. After doing some reading online about the Oxford School District, I knew that even if it wasn't the right fit for me, it would be the right fit for Katelyn. And I was exactly right. Katelyn LOVES school. I honestly think she likes her teacher, Ms. Henry, more than she likes me and Seana sometimes. Okay, most of the time. She is doing really well in school... she's generally well-behaved and was even her classroom's "special friend" one day (the special friend gets to help with things in class and acts like a tiny little teacher's aide) She'll be turning 6 next August and starts 1st grade in August. Time flies when you're having fun (and being naughty).

Katelyn's Christmas wish list:

• Books
• Not having to listen to her parents (The gift that keeps on giving)
• A make-up desk
• Her very own TV so she can watch Netflix constantly

Now I can either decide to go in age order, with which I would be next (Seana's a total cradle-robber) OR I can make a legit editorial decision and make Seana next...

Seana seen here in her usual position: Comforting Reagan.

Seana's been a real trooper this year. Of all the adjustments we've all had to make this year, she probably had the toughest. And I can't blame her. Her entire life was in Las Vegas; family, friends, everything she ever loved literally was in that town and suddenly, over the span of a weekend, she was in Mississippi, with no family or friends within 2000 miles, through no fault of her own and with very little time to prepare herself physically, mentally, or emotionally. But, where others might have turned inward or threw a never-ending pity party for themselves, Seana kept at it. Sure, many tears were shed and some homesickness came, but she always picked herself up and keep going. She has even made some splendid new friends and, though it may not feel the same as Las Vegas, she is doing everything she can to make Oxford home. It's not always easy being a homemaker... you can feel very alone and sometimes feel like you don't have your own identity, and I admire her for her faith and her strength. Everything I am or do I owe to her and her example keeps me going and on the right track. I love you, Seana.

Seana's Christmas wish list:

• A Forever Lazy (Not kidding)
• Some Hostess Snowballs
• A clean house
• Plane tickets to Las Vegas

Although, maybe Christmas came early this year... Seana's parents came to see us for a couple weeks and a great time was had by all. Except for maybe Seana's parents, who had to sleep on a queen-sized air mattress in our kitchen. We'll pick up the Chiropractor's bill, I promise.

Well, that brings us to... me.

Looking super-duper fly, as always. p.s. Not my real hair-do.

I had a pretty big year, this year, myself. Coming off my epic fail of my first LSAT attempt, I studied hard and was able to get a pretty decent score, all things considered, on my second attempt. I'm not going to discuss numbers specifically, but suffice it to say the second attempt was a significant improvement. I thought the strength of my GPA (3.83 in-program) would carry my mid-range GPA and get me into UNLV, however, this was not to be. I saw Ole Miss on the law school brochures and saw that it was competitive to get into, was ranked relatively high, and was a great value (i.e. My 2nd-and-3rd years COMBINED will cost as much as my 1st year at UNLV ALONE would have cost) so I filled out an application and sent it in, not thinking anything of it. Plus Seana absolutely refused to move to Mississippi. 3 weeks later, I got an envelope from Ole Miss... accepted. All told, I applied to 9 schools, got into 6, got turned down by 1 and wait-listed by 2, including UNLV. After some prayer, we narrowed our schools down to Willamette (in Salem, OR), Washburn (in Topeka, KS), and Wyoming (in Laramie, Wyoming). Ole Miss didn't even make the final 3 cut. But after some prayer, our list began to winnow...

1. Willamette - Was too expensive. Gone.
2. Washburn - Hefty scholarship offer, but would have forced us to live in Kansas. Yuck. Gone.
3. Wyoming - Seana doesn't do snow. Neither would our front-wheel drive Hyundai beater car. Gone.

Suddenly, Ole Miss was the last reasonable man standing. In April I sent my seat deposit in and that was that. I was an Ole Miss Law student. It was weird. We were moving to Mississippi. We were going to live in a state other than Nevada. In May I made the reservations for the moving truck and in July I left the state of my birth and started the 2,000 mile drive to my little family's new home, all our earthly possessions packed into the back of a 16' Penske truck and into our little car. But, somehow, it's all worked out thus far. We moved into a nice cozy little condo, met some great people and have settled pretty nicely into our new little church family. Even law school isn't as bad as I thought it would be, heading in. I figured every night would be non-stop studying, never seeing my family and dying of a blood clot from sitting forever. But I did none of those things. And I still feel like I did reasonably well this semester. Finals are now over and we're awaiting my grades, but I'm just happy I survived this and proved to myself I could do it. Many thanks and love to all those who helped me.

Jason's Christmas wish list:

• Some alone time with my wife
• To be listened to by my children
• An entire semi-truck full of Reese's Trees
• The 49ers to win the Super Bowl (The Reese's Trees thing is probably more likely to happen)

Well, I think that just about does it for this letter, however, I would be remiss if I didn't take a moment to write a little bit about the Savior. We, as a family, try as much as we can to focus on Christ not only over the holiday season, but all year long. This is, by our experience, easier at certain times than it is at others, however, Christmas is one of the handfuls of times throughout the year when we, as believers and followers of Christ, can all unite in faith, despite the name of our church or which scriptures we use, and celebrate the birth of that man foretold of by Isaiah as "Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." Regardless of where you are, or who you're with, the Christmas message is for you. May we all take a moment between the hustle and bustle of shopping and wrapping and stressing and cooking to remember Jesus Christ and the wonderful things he brought us... the true first Christmas present.

We love you all and wish you all the merriest of Christmases and a very happy New Year/Seana's birthday (yes, she's a New Year's baby and yes, she hates it. But I'm going to try and show her a good time, regardless).

PEACE! (onearthgoodwilltoman)